Being Alone
by Dark Sadistic Angel
Summary: Old story upload. Heero falls out of a relationship with Relena. Duo attempts to patch things up despite having secret feelings for Heero himself. 1x2.


Disclaimers Apply. Warnings/Description: 1x2, 1xR, Angst, Lemon, Non-Yaoi, Yaoi. Heero falls out of a relationship with Relena. Duo attempts to patch things up despite having secret feelings for Heero himself.

**Being Alone  
**

By Dark Sadistic Angel

Upload of an old story.

It had been a mistake. That was all he knew. Relena wanted more for him than he could give. They were too different. And he was not the one she really wanted. It left a sick, acid bitter taste in his mouth that no amount of drinking would remove.  
'Oy, Heero. I think that's enough now, don't cha think? If you have anymore, you'll really regret in the morning. I don't what's gotten you into you, but I have to tell you that drinking's not the way to go above solving whatever bugging you. Trust me on this, I know.'  
He looked down at the clear liquid in his glass. He tilted the glass, and watched the liquid move inside. He had been steadily drinking, but other than a slight warming, he couldn't feel any other effects. It had been the rumoured effect of forgetting oneself that Heero had been seeking. Alcohol did not work for him.  
'Damn it Heero, you don't need that.'  
'You're right. I don't need this,' for the first time in hours, Heero spoke. His voice was tired and strained, reflecting his status. 'You can have it.' He pushed aside the glass towards the other man.  
Heero tossed down a credit and moved off from the bar stool he had occupied for the last few hours. He pulled his jacket off from the chair's stump of a back, and shrugged the brown Preventer jacket on. It was not usual for him to wear the jacket in public outside of work hours. The Preventer jacket was too distinctive- too government. But he had came directly to the bar from the Foreign office after he saw Relena there, and hence wore his work clothes- and work equipment. Which was probably why Duo had followed him. The other agent had more than likely gotten worried about the possible consequences of him getting drunk while being armed to the teeth.  
He walked out of the dim bar. Footsteps behind him followed.  
'Where are you going? You're not going to another place to drink, are you?'  
Heero kept on walking.  
'Heero, I asked you where are you going? Look, you don't have to give me that glare okay. I'm just worried about you. You don't look too good.'  
'I'm fine.'  
'So says the mighty samurai as he staggers drunkenly through the street like a three legged dog.'  
Heero stopped. He tilted his head to the side, and looked at his work partner.  
'I'm not staggering. I'm perfectly capable of walking, and making it back to my apartment in one piece. If any trouble comes my way, I will simply eliminate it. I don't need you to follow me home- like a two legged dog,' he bit out.  
The long hair man held up both his hands in an apologetic surrender. 'Okay, so maybe you don't need me to look after me, but I can sure guarantee that anyone who wants to take you on- if anyone is stupid enough to, but who knows in this world- would be needing my help if you chose to defend yourself. I know you may not be exactly too pleased about my presence here, but we are in a fairly shady part of town here, and although some people may rejoice at the prospect of a street clean-up of wannabe thugs and thieves down here, our boss Lady Une would be none too happy if it was undertaken by a solo trigger happy Preventer, in full gear, with full equipment plus extra. It might make the local law enforcement agencies complain about us Preventers taking over their jobs, you know, and cause a few political disturbances not to mention civil complaints which we can do without. And please don't shoot the messenger boy here, because I'm just stating the facts here and you know it.'  
Heero removed his hand from the gun strapped to his hips, and decided to shoot instead a deadly glare at Duo before proceeding onto his way.  
'But I must say, you've got me curious. It's almost like you and Relena had some sort of fight or something. Nah, that couldn't be right. The perfect soldier and the perfect princess gotta have a perfect relationship so that idea's out the door. So what could be-'  
Bang. Stones rattled as footsteps shuffled back.  
'Shit! Are you crazy? You almost got me in the foot!'  
Not looking behind him to check whether Duo was okay or not, Heero sheathed his gun.  
'Keep your mouth shut and stay silent if you are going to follow me. I'm not in the mood to listen to you talk.'  
To his satisfaction, nothing but silence and soft steps followed behind him.  
Once he reached his apartment, after punching in the numbers to disarm security and unlocking the door, he stepped inside and swung the metal door firmly close behind him before the footsteps could follow him in. The automatic lock system clicked in with an audible snap. He stayed in the entrance, his back pressed unconsciously against the steel of the door.  
A beep from a flat box on his right sounded as the audio voice system was activated.  
'Goodnight Heero,' came Duo's soft voice, uncharacteristically serious. 'I'll see you in the morning.'  
Duo sounded almost as if he was asking a question.  
For a long moment, there was nothing but further silence. Then the sound of footsteps moving away from the door came through the audio box.  
One step. Two. Three, four. Five.  
A pause.  
'You're not alone as you think, you know.'  
The footsteps continued on, fainter and fainter, then disappeared.  
Heero started to laugh harshly. Once he started, he couldn't stop. He bent down as pain seared through his heaving chest, unable to stop laughing despite the sensation he was choking at the same time. The laughter grated across his ears painfully, but it was better than the silence he was laughing in.

Everything was faded. It was like something was blocking his senses, something unseen but nevertheless surrounding him. It functioned like a barrier against the outside world. And a barrier keeping him in his own world. No matter how much he struggled to free himself of it, it remained around him, trapping him. He had to learn to accept it. He was different from the other people around him.  
He bypassed a large group chatting in the corridor. They parted to allow him through, but merged back again as soon as he was through, with no members of the group paying him much attention. Their muffled talk and laughter followed him as he entered the corridor of his department, and the glass doors which sectioned his field away from others closed behind him. Inside the area, there were a few people in the open area before the offices, but all were silent and engrossed in reading newspapers and other material. They didn't even look up at his arrival. Nobody noticed as he made his way to his office.  
Heero knew all the people's faces, names and profiles he saw each morning, but he had never uttered a single word to them.  
He simply just wasn't there for most people.  
Strangely enough, the past wars had given him a group of which he had been a part of it. He had worked for peace, and so lost the group as each of the small group became occupied with other things. Sometimes he thought perhaps it was better if he died in the final one. At least, he would have died believing that someone deeply cared about him.  
That someone who told him that she really didn't...  
No.  
He immediately reined in his thoughts. There was work to be done. Even if he had nothing, it didn't mean there weren't more important things than his own life. His involvement in the Preventers reflected his belief. Lady Une, the head, had commented once that he was the best agent they had. The perfect agent, in fact, was what she called him. It made him uneasy to be thought of as such, but it was fact that he made no mistakes on the job. It was off the job that he seemed to make catastrophic mistakes. He was a pathetic human but a perfect work machine. A machine with a damn headache. It appears only the aftermath of a hangover was the only effect an alcohol binge had on him. Heero grimaced as he closed the door to his office behind him.  
'Morning Heero, you're not looking very perky today, are you?' came a cheerful voice from across the room. Duo swung his chair- or rather Heero's, around a full turn and grinned at him. 'Actually, you're kind of green. But don't worry, it suits you. But being mister pretty boy, I guess any colour suits you.'  
Heero grunted.  
'Pretty boy? I'm not the one with the braid,' he snapped tightly. 'Anyway, what are you doing in my office?'  
Despite his tone, Heero was actually glad to see Duo. Last night... he had been pretty rude. Even though he only shot at Duo to make a point- he knew he shouldn't have lost his temper that much. Out of the group, it was only Duo whom he saw in person regularly, and the only person he saw outside of work. Duo was his semi-quasi partner. Semi-quasi as he was officially paired with another one of their wartime group, but Wufei was usually out of the office. Heero worked alone, but on some cases, he had been more than grateful to have Duo backup. Heero suddenly frowned. He had never actually returned the favour with Duo. It seems sometimes that the other agent only floated in and out of the office without any particular urgency, but he knew for a fact since he had private and little known access to Lady Une's databanks, that Duo rode out a lot of top priority cases and- more than often then not- the duration of each black labelled case overlapped each other. He had browsed through a great many of the cases, and noticed that Duo never had backup.  
'Actually, I'm here because I've got a couple of things to tell ya, ol' pal.'  
'Get out of my seat, and then tell me.' Heero walked around his desk and scowled down at Duo.  
Duo grinned lazily and stretched out his hands, his back arching as he pressed against the chair leather cushions. The white, non-regulation t-shirt he wore underneath his official Preventer jacket ridded up and exposed a muscled stomach. Heero noticed a light sprinkling of brown hair leading down from his exposed belly button, before the shirt slipped back into place as Duo sat back and then stood up.  
'You may have your seat back,' Duo said graciously. 'I am done with it.'  
Heero snorted. Unable to help himself, his lips twitched in amusement. He pushed at Duo to get out of way as he moved to take the emptied place, but lightly only. Still, the other agent stumbled several steps back at the impact. Heero's hand snaked around Duo's waist before the long hair agent's hip could impact on the desk edge. He pulled Duo straight before letting go of him. Duo blinked at Heero, almost if dazed. Then a flush reddened Duo's face.  
'Thanks.'  
Heero sat down.  
'No problem. So what is what you want to tell me?' He looked up at Duo, his attention completely focused on the heart shaped face and large Cobalt blue eyes.  
'Well, first of all...' Duo swallowed, his long lashes fluttering down as he looked away. 'I'm quitting the Preventers. As of today.'  
Heero felt as if the ground beneath his feet had disappeared. If it weren't for the chair's resistance against his skin, he was sure he would be falling in a bottomless pit.  
'You're not serious.'  
He grabbed onto Duo's left hand and pulled. Duo fell on top of him.  
'Oof.'  
Duo attempted to awkwardly pull himself away by placing his right hand and weight on the chair side arms, but Heero kept his firm grip on Duo's left hand and refused allow him past halfway up.  
'Heero...'  
Heero glared into Duo's face, which was only barely a standard ruler's length away from his own. At the close distance, he saw something he had not noticed before in Duo's seeming bright blue eyes. Darkness.  
'Let go of me Heero, you're hurting me.'  
'I don't care,' Heero growled out. 'You're hurting me more. How long have you've been thinking about this?'  
Duo swallowed.  
'Since the day I joined. Five years, to the day. I never really intended to be in for long, you see. But... something kept me.'  
'What's changed?'  
'Nothing, and everything.'  
'What the hell do you mean? Why are you leaving me alone? I need your backup, damn it.'  
'I'm tired, Heero. I can't do it anymore. Anyway, you're not alone as you think, you know.' Duo's lips tightened.  
Heero scowled and opened his mouth to speak.  
'Shut up Heero, and listen to me for a change instead of ignoring me. You have an entire organisation behind you- if you really need backup, there's no shortage of talent in the Preventers. You know that yourself. You've even trained a lot of the top agents yourself. And if you think you're alone socially-wise, that's bullshit too. All the guys, although they may not be here and are busy as hell, still think of you often as you do them. And if you yourself took the time to make contact with them, maybe you wouldn't be so uncertain about where you stand with them. The structure of friendships is a two path wire- currents go both ways. And for that matter, you do, unlike me, have people who truly love you. Relena-'  
'Relena doesn't love me!' Heero snarled.  
'She does. It's not possible for her not to.'  
'I thought you prided yourself on never lying, Duo,' Heero grated out.  
'She loves you because you're the true version of fairy tale heroes. Which is why she believes she must let you go, so you can continue to do your job. I can see by your face you don't really believe it, but just think, really think for a moment, isn't that just like Relena? Always sacrificing herself for the sake of the people and ideals? She's like a soldier herself, you have to admit, but unlike us, only she doesn't have blood on her hands. Last night, did she really look like she didn't care at all for you? I'm willing to bet that she looked like she was near a breakdown.'  
The image of Relena's composed but very pale face flashed into Heero's mind. He had been shocked by the speech she had delivered to him that night after she had request him to accompany her to her room for a private talk, so he had not taken much account of the faint tell-tale traces of stress present in her composure. The behaviour he knew very well were typical of Relena when she was emotionally wrecked had indeed been present.  
'Why...?'  
'Because no doubt she thought that this era still needs heroes to be committed to the cause, not a woman, and so she gave you up in the name of peace.'  
'That's utter nonsense. There's no need for such ridiculous actions.'  
'That's what I told her last night when I called her, after I saw you off home. I have no doubt that there'll be a frantic call from her today, once she realises her mistake.'  
Heero digested it, then gave a curt nod. A little ray of hope attempted to danced, but he quickly squished it. He would deal with the matter when it came. At the moment, there was a more urgent matter.  
'So?' he said coldly. 'Why are you leaving the Preventers? I want a clear answer from you, or else I won't let you go.'  
'I don't think you really want to know,' Duo sighed.  
'I do. Tell me.'  
'Okay. Fine. I love you and I just can't deal with it anymore. If that offends you, I'm sorry. Now Heero, can you please let me go so I can go inform Une now and start clearing out my office? Fuck! Ow! My arm! Don't fucking squeeze so hard! You're cracking my bones!'  
'Duo. Tell me you're lying.'  
Duo glared at him. Pain, guilt, and embarrassment clearly written on his face, yet there was also a touch of anger too in the tilt of his jawline as he jutted it out to him.  
'I don't lie, Heero. You know I don't. I'm not a liar.'  
'You have to be, because I can't let you go.'  
'Heero. I'm gay. I'm in love with you. Your natural reaction should be to first to either kill me, or wish me far, far away. Unless it's my neck, you should not be holding so tightly onto me so much so that you're cutting off my blood circulation.'  
'I don't care. You're my friend. And partner. I need you. You can't have personal problems.'  
'Well Heero, I do care. I think of you more than a friend. We're not really partners in either the official or personal sense, and I need you to offer more than what you can. And guess what Heero? I do have fucking personal problems, and it comes in the same of a fucking sexy slanted blue eye mixed Asian guy with hair I want to run my hands through and have wet dreams about practically every night. Get disturbed by that already, and let go of my frigging arm so I can at least make a half way decent exit and pretend to myself I didn't just shamed the hell outta of myself in front of you! Stop being so selfish, you dickhead!'  
The phone rang.

'...'  
The phone rang again. It continued on ringing.  
'Answer the phone, Heero,' Duo said tiredly.  
'The caller ID says it's Relena.'  
'I suspected as much.'  
The loud device continued on ringing.  
'Answer the goddamn, motherfucking phone!' Duo shouted out. 'Your one true love's on the fucking line, dickwitt!'  
The phone clicked.  
'Leave a message,' came a recorded bark.  
'Heero? It's... me. Relena. I need to see you. It's private. How about... lunch? Or dinner? Or if you're really busy today, anytime you can fit in is fine. Last night I... please Heero, I need to see you again. Call me as soon as possible. Please.'  
The phone clicked off.

'Heero, you're a coward.'  
'...ah.'  
'Not only that, you're damn selfish.'  
'...ah.'  
'I need you to let of me.'  
'No.'  
'Why not?'  
'Because my right hand won't move.'  
'I think I heard this excuse before. It was nice enough the first time, and I appreciated it then, but I really don't appreciated the bull now.'  
'I'm not a liar.'  
'Yes you are. You said that you'll let go of me as soon as I give a clear enough reason, but you didn't. Didn't I give a clear enough answer for you?'  
'No.'  
Duo growled.  
'Fine then! If just saying it wasn't a clear enough answer for you, maybe I should give you a demonstration, eh?'  
Heero's eyes widened in surprise as Duo kissed him. The move was so unexpected that he didn't even have time to prepare for the assault of wet warmth that slipped past his lips, and assaulted his tongue.  
'Mmpf! Mmmm... mph!'  
For the first time in his life, the coldness that always seemed part of his life disappeared entirely in the heated invasion. It was like the occasional warm touches of Relena's fingers on his skin, only more intense and burning. Unlike the comfortable heartfelt squeeze he experienced with Relena, being with Duo felt like the other man had stuck his hand right through his ribs to tear at his most private emotional sanction. The pressure he experienced was incredible. As with the fire that flared both with his soul and an altogether, more physical part of him that he was shock to find stirring to life rapidly.  
And Duo was stroking the flame with the movements of his tongue.  
Heero found himself responding back, mimicking Duo's actions with his own tongue as he sought to explore the alien sensations. It felt so good. His free hand moved towards Duo's hip, paused briefly there before he cupped Duo's buttocks, and pulled Duo towards him. The other man sat down on his thighs at the invitation, not breaking their kiss. Indeed, he became even more active and enthusiastic as Heero stepped up his own activity.  
Heero's left hand crept to the top of Duo's crotch, his knuckles brushing against the hard curve there as he unbuttoned Duo's trousers.  
Duo hissed and wiggled on top of Heero's thighs. He broke off the kiss. Heero paused in his actions.  
'Heero, what are we doing? This is not... right, is it?' Duo looked at him with searching eyes. 'You...'  
'Later Duo. Save talking for later.'  
'No, Heero. Let me go-'  
Heero kissed Duo, unzipping Duo's trousers as he did so and dipping his hands into Duo's pants to free out his trapped erection. The length of velvet on rock felt so different to his own. He stroked it as he licked the insides of Duo's mouth fully, from top to bottom. Duo shivered on top of him. A mewling sound, very much like a cat, came from Duo's throat. The submissive sound made Heero shiver pleasantly in turn. He kept on kissing Duo as he massaged Duo's manhood, stroking it firmly and faster as he drank in the taste of Duo's mouth. Duo moaned and broke his mouth free. He rested his forehead on Heero's shoulders as he shuddered.  
'Stop. I'm going to come if you keep on doing that. I'll get your uniform dirty.'  
Heero turned his head to the side and licked Duo's ear and began to make a trail down the back of it.  
'I don't care,' he murmured.  
He increased the pace of his hand strokes.  
'God. Heero, I think you should but I forgot why. Aah... aaah... mmn... Hee...ro...Nng! Aaaaah...aaah...ah!'  
'You're getting loud.'  
Duo clamped his mouth around the thick leather material of Heero's Preventer jacket and bit down. Despite the layers, Heero felt the bite. But at least Duo quietened, his shouting now muffled noises. True to his word, Duo quickly came. He felt hot wetness drip through the thin shirt material he wore immediately. A little slower, patches on his trousers that seeped through the thicker material. Duo had ejaculated all over his front.  
A half choked cry came from Duo's slumped head.  
'Oh God, I'm sorry Heero. I'm so sorry, but it's your fault too.'  
Heero released Duo's now limp member and reached around Duo's waist. He looked down at his cream splattered palm.  
'I know,' he said softly. He reached over to the braid trailing down Duo's back and clasped his hand around it. As he trailed his grip down the bumpy length, the strands darkened with wetness.  
'Heero... don't touch my braid.'  
'I want to.'  
'No.'  
'Why not?'  
'You have Relena.'  
'I may have.'  
'You can't have me too.'  
'I just did.'  
Duo began to shake. He reared up and glared down at Heero. His blue eyes had turned nearly violet with the violent storm of emotion in their depths.  
'No, you don't understand. You can't have me. Not with Relena. You can't ask me to stay!'  
'Stay.'  
'You don't need me!' Duo hissed. 'You need Relena!'  
'I need you,' Heero stated.  
'Why? You have Relena.'  
'I can't be sure of Relena yet, but I now know I can be sure of you.'  
Duo hissed.  
'How the hell do you know that? We just had a little hanky panky, that's fucking all. It's not like we said the vows before God or anything. Let go of my arm.'  
Heero lifted up his right hand.  
'I freed you when I kissed you. You were free to go anytime then,' he said with satisfaction. 'But not anymore Duo.'  
Duo snorted.  
'How are you going to stop me leaving you? Chain me up and lock me in a prison?'  
Heero leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on Duo's lips. He felt them tremble underneath his before he withdrew.  
'I don't need to try much, do I? Just one kiss would imprison you.'  
Duo's angry expression broke.  
'Please, Heero. Don't do this to me. I can't stand being alone anymore. You're going to kill me. I mean it.'  
'What do you mean by that?'  
'When if a person gives his soul to another, Heero, unless something is given back, the person has nothing left. To live in such circumstance, is being alone in the truest sense.'  
'Do you honestly want to go?'  
'...' Duo swallowed. '...No,' he admitted. 'But I know being with you will break me.'  
Heero studied him gravely.  
'Can I take down you hair, Duo?' Heero asked softly.  
Duo closed his eyes.  
'After you kiss me once more, Heero, you can do whatever you want with me. I'm yours.'  
Heero leant forward. Before he took possession of Duo's lips, he turned his head and whispered into Duo's ear.

'Maybe Duo... you're not alone as you think.'

_Fin._

**_DSA_**


End file.
